I get asked a lot why I don't have a driver's license. I've started to wonder that myself. I've always considered myself as mature and "grown up". Oftentimes, getting your driver's license is synonymous with freedom, and represents the first stage of adulthood. After all, what sensible, functioning society would allow children to drive? So why didn't I feel a need to get one?
I couple of weeks ago I was in a rut. There was a sense of frantic movement but I didn't feel any sort of progress or inertia. When I brought this up, a friend told me,
"You're pretending to be an adult. You're doing all the things you think adults do."
Thinking back, this was completely true. I had drowned myself in "adult" activities and mindsets. I internally judged those I considered "immature" or "naïve". I buried myself in TechCrunch articles and tech twitter tweets. I focused on noise and "pop culture" news instead of trying to genuinely challenge myself with deeper topics.
More worryingly however, this mindset of being "grown up" extended to how I viewed my family as well. In wanting to see myself as independent I intentionally de-prioritized seeing my siblings and parents back home. To me, being an adult meant being away from family and not needing their support.
Now I don't think I actually want to be an adult as much as I tell myself. I've also realized I have no clue at what point you truly move into adulthood. Its more than just talking about rent, taxes or stocks. Perhaps it is patience, which ironically is the opposite of rushing to grow up.